Blended Family

I realized this morning that I have the words "blended family" in our title but never really talk about it. I don't know who coined that term. It sure sounds better than having to use the word "divorced" all of the time. I do understand that it does just pertain to divorced families, but that is how our blended family was created.

I think this statement may surprise a few people. Divorce is much more difficult than marriage. It causes pain to everyone in the relationship. It takes years to recover from the hurt and in some cases, people never find that healing. I'm not saying that it should never happen. There are many people in situations that need to get out of their marriages for a variety of reason, for their own personal well-being.

I also want people to understand that I really love the life that I have now. There have been incredible things that have happened in my life because of the choices we've made. I am married to someone who I love with all of my heart. We have three beautiful children, one of whom wouldn't be here if I wouldn't have gotten remarried. I also have an incredible friend who happens to be my ex-husband's wife. I am thankful for each of these things.

On the flip side, my oldest daughter has to go between two houses each week. She has done this since she was five and it's really all she knows. But at times, I know that it can be difficult for her. And honestly, all of her parents have a terrific relationship. We parent together (which to her angst includes discipline). We have events together - i.e. birthday parties, dinners together on the first and last day of school - things so that she will know that we all love her very much and are all there to support her as one large parental unit.

My step-son probably has the worst of it. He also has two different houses. But his homes are approximately six hours apart. My husband has limited involvement in his life because of that distance. His mom truly does an incredible job of caring for him as a single parent. She works, cares for him and their home all on her own. But boys need their dads just like girls need their moms. Boys and girls are just physiologically different... There will be things that he will not want to discuss with his mother. Just like there have been things that my daughter would have been mortified if she would have had to discuss them with her dad. We do have a few months with him each year, for that we are incredibly thankful. We also can talk to him on the phone and will possibly add "Skyping" to that this year. It's just different.

Then there is our littlest one (she's really not so little anymore, maybe just should have said youngest). She always has questions like "Is Sydney going to be here tonight?". As much as she and her sister fight, they really love each other. And this week, she will have to say good-bye to her brother. They have been almost inseparable this summer. They can play uninterrupted for hours. It's generally a combination of legos, Barbies and spying on mommy (they are pretty mischievous). I have a feeling that they will both be a little lost without the other. I simply don't have as much imagination as her brother (who is currently in their room writing a comic).

A sense of loss... That is what comes with divorce. It is a death of a relationship. However, the blended family can be a tremendous gift if truly appreciated. It is a gift for which I give thanks daily.

My advice to married couples is to not take your spouse for granted. Take the date nights. Truly know their likes and dislikes. Spend uninterrupted time simply talking about your days and honestly listen. Have fun and laugh together! Remember why it is that you fell in love in the first place. Play games. Be competitive (you know in a friendly competition kind of way). Hire babysitters, the kids actually like to have sitters. Who else will let you stay up 15 minutes past your bedtime? It's like getting away with something really big!

Most importantly, find a couples devotion and pray together. Marriage isn't for the faint of heart. It requires a commitment like none other. Trust this to God, the creator of marriage. It doesn't guarantee that you will always have smooth sailing. But it does guarantee that you won't be sailing alone.